I’ve reflected from time to time about the role of laughter in counselling sessions over the years. Many of my clients know that I like to laugh and historically, it was something that I wasn’t particularly conscious of, until I started counselling for an agency many years ago. In between sessions I would come out of my office on break and co-workers would say things like “what’s going on in there?” in response to mutual laughter emerging from my office. I’d think “Umm…nothing…just having a shared human moment?”

Laughter seems to be a natural draw for me in other counselling-related areas too. For example, when I was searching for a clinical supervisor early in my Willow Tree Counselling journey, what would have otherwise been an unlikely clinical match was forged by our shared love of laughter. I felt instantly comfortable.

I’m not sure ‘why now,’ exactly, but I thought it might be worth exploring the value of laughter in counselling sessions while also taking a look at situations when it’s, perhaps, not so valuable. And from a wider perspective, I’ve also been thinking that levity in counselling–or a lack thereof–may also be a factor that gives us more information about whether the therapeutic relationship is a good fit or not.

When Laughter Works in Session

I am aware that not everyone sees the value of laughter in their counselling sessions. That’s totally fair and folks with this sentiment would likely work better with a counsellor who would match a more serious vibe.

But whether we are conscious of it or not in our search for a new counsellor, we may be looking for counselling that incorporates elements of lightness. And where laughter is concerned, I can’t emphasize enough that I’m referring to mutual laughter where both therapist and client are genuinely laughing.

So let’s look at some of laughter’s potential benefits in a therapy session:

Forging interpersonal connection – I’ve written in previous articles about the importance of a good fit in the therapeutic relationship. This can be key in our experience of counselling; for example, do your sessions feel like a human-to-human exchange or a clinical interview? And sometimes laughter is just to thing to help solidify this connection.

Laughter can melt away stress – Many of us enter into counselling with trepidation. The prospect of opening up in therapy can be very nerve-wracking. What will the therapist be like? How will they guide the session? Are they supportive? Mutual laughter, particularly at the outset, can promote ease and decrease stress.

Laughter can be co-regulating – We know that client and therapist mutually affect one another’s nervous system in session. Social Worker Deb Dana, whose career has been focused on making the challenging concepts from Polyvagal Theory accessible and understandable, writes about co-regulation as key in the establishment of emotional safety: “Through reciprocal regulation of our autonomic states, we feel safe to move into connection and create trusting relationships.” This interpersonal process, or dynamic, can happen through various relational means: tone of voice, body language and shared laughter, for example.

Laughter can have positive mental health effects – Interviewed for an article in the Harvard Gazette, psychologist Natalie Datillo spoke about laughter’s near-instantaneous effect on boosting mood and lowering anxiety, because of its ability to lower cortisol levels LINK and increase dopamine and serotonin neurotransmitters.

Physical benefits – Research reported by UCLA on laughter in older adults also found that there are significant physical benefits from laughing, including immune system gains, improved heart health, and pain relief (or possibly an increase in pain tolerance).

And I’m old enough to remember when laughter yoga was trending in the early 2000s.

When Laughter Doesn’t Land in Session

Sometimes therapists might get it wrong and laugh at something the client does not find funny, or vice versa. How might this show up in a counselling session?

• The therapist misunderstood what the client was saying, believing the client was making a joke or inviting humour. A client may also think the same of something the therapist was saying.
• The therapist misreads the client’s tone or laughs at a time that is inappropriate. This can also work the other way around when a client is confused by the therapist’s tone.
• The therapist and client have very different personalities and/or very different senses of humour and are confused by each other’s relational style; laughter doesn’t come up or comes up badly.
• The client is laughing when discussing serious or traumatic experiences. Or, paradoxically, the therapist laughs when listening to such experiences, which would be highly irregular and very harmful.
• The therapist or the client is nervous and laughter is a response to this stress.
• Laughter and joking become a form of avoidance of difficult topics in session.

Why Laughter Can Fall Flat

I always hope that most potential counselling clients will have first done a free consultation, and through this process will have ruled out therapists who don’t match their vibe. Sometimes, however, clients and therapists who don’t gel do find themselves together and laughter or levity in the session will not work. Why might this happen? Possible reasons can include:

• Therapist burnout or lack of collegial support or clinical supervision – the therapist is worn out, overtaxed or is becoming cynical and urgent rest and time away from work to heal is needed. Clients too may be experiencing burnout, to the extent that emotional shutdown may be occurring and engaging in a therapy session is not realistic.
• Cynicism or mistrust  – from the client or therapist. This may be related to burnout but may have deeper roots in trauma, past negative therapeutic experiences or skepticism about counselling.
• Vivid internal thoughts or a mind that naturally free-associates or is tangential: one may be thinking of something different than the current therapy content, which may cause timing inconsistencies in laughter or humour.
• Challenges with reading interpersonal cues/body language/tone, leading to smiling or laughter that reads as out of place to the other party.
• Excessive life stress – laughing a lot in session to cope with this stress.
• Being overtired or sleep deprived – hopefully no explanation is necessary here!
• Sensory concerns – the sound of laughter or its volume can be triggering to some folks’ nervous systems, particularly if they have a history of sound sensitivity
• Historical weaponization of laughter – such as is seen in emotional abuse, bullying, etc.
• Toxic or harmful personality traits or practices – when malevolence is detected by the client or therapist towards them in session

Next Steps

When needs to happen when laughter doesn’t land?

• This can depend on the context of the mistake and its impact but I generally suggest that any confusing or disconcerting dynamics be brought up in the session. This can be hard for clients to do because therapists are in a position of power and privilege, however if there is sufficient trust, it’s a great thing to bring up because it allows the therapist to get to know their client better, and get a deeper understanding of the client’s needs. Therapists can sometimes be shy about bringing up a concern, too, worrying that they might hurt clients’ feelings or, alternatively, they may fear rejection from their clients.
• Misplaced laughter shouldn’t necessarily be pathologized or stigmatized. For example, when I was a young therapist and I heard clients recount traumatic events while simultaneously laughing, I was disconcerted by this. After many years working in the field, I now recognize this as a historical coping strategy that has prevented overwhelm and promoted survival. And this is not to say that we can’t grow past this point, but as therapists, we shouldn’t judge where clients or how they have got there.
• Therapists should watch for signs that something is off, primarily if you are laughing and your client isn’t. That’s typically a sign that the tone of the session needs to change, an apology is warranted, or a conversation with your client about this should be initiated.
• Recognize when it’s just not a good fit. Therapy works best when the fit between client and therapist is naturally good. While we are capable of change, people are who they are at the present moment and both client and therapist should be honest about themselves and who they would work best with. For example, in pursuing my own personal therapy I have never done well with serious, confrontational therapists, but some people thrive within a confrontational therapeutic dynamic.

And when laughter does land?

We may not always be conscious that laughter and levity were what helped us feel safe, relaxed, in-tune or seen in session, but it can be a nice thing to think about or talk about with your therapist. And if it works for you in therapy, chances are that it will work well for you too, in the friendships and relationships you choose outside of it.