I must admit, using “the” in the title sounds a little singular, as there have been many rituals of tea over the course of my life. In fact, tea has been such a constant companion day after day that sometimes I wonder if it’s even a ritual at all; these thoughts were, perhaps, confirmed when I received a coaster as a gift that said “You Cannot Drink Too Much Tea: It Is Not Possible” illustrated with multitudinous tea cups.

Some History

I grew up drinking black tea: strong with sugar and milk. I can’t remember when I had my first cup. I’ve been drinking it ever since I can remember, so I imagine I was pretty young. I’ve also noticed a bit of a bell curve to my tea drinking over time, with increasing cups and cup sizes, peaking in my 40s and waning slightly since then. But not much!

Up until my 40s I could drink tea until midnight with seemingly no effect on my sleep—a fact I was a little smug about (“what’s the problem with caffeine at night?”). And it was hypocritical, as it went squarely against all the sleep hygiene guidelines that I was taught as a therapist and discussed with clients. Thankfully, I’m no longer so silly about late night tea consumption, and I let go of the attitude when my body (and first-time sleep problems) set me straight!

Ritual

But when I think about tea drinking, there is a sense of ritual. For example:

• Wake up, have tea.
• Come back home from being out, have tea.
• Bad day, have tea.
• Celebrate something, have tea.
• Talk with friends, have tea.

Even the practice of warming the tea pot, putting in the bags/leaves, putting on the tea cozy and then timing the brew is well-worn, comforting ritual.

Too Many Details?

When I founded Willow Tree Counselling in 2009, one of the first things I thought of was that there had to be tea! There were a few things to figure out, though, such as: What tea would I be serving and how would I solve the problem of having to wait for water to boil? No one wants tea preparation cutting into their session time!

Once I’d made my tea selection and solved the boiling water issue, offering tea became part of my counselling practice. But there were still some things to work out.

My first problem was that I sometimes didn’t carry the tea that people wanted. The solution was pretty simple: buy that tea. I learned a lot about what people like and what they don’t, and it didn’t necessarily match my preferences.

My second issue was that there were tea boxes everywhere. “What tea would you like?” turned into, “Umm, sorry, I’m just looking for that! I’ll just be a sec!” But thanks to a tip from someone, combined with a natural love of organizing, a solution was found.

And a third emerging issue was staining in tea cups. Not the worst thing in the world, but switching to glass, helped eliminate this problem.

And what about a place to put tea bags that is not an ugly trash can? Solved this too.

And how best to present the teas: menu or display? I’ve tried both and the jury isn’t out on that!

At this point you may be wondering why I care so much about these details! First, I have a love of serving others—Offering a cup of tea brings me so much joy! And I think that these details can help, as long as they’re not applied perfectionistically. Second, I’m neurodivergent which hard-wires me to tune into details.

Office Ritual

And once these tea details  had been worked out over time, I truly felt that there was a lovely rhythm to it all:

• Greet lovely client
• Offer to hang jacket
• Offer tea (or water or coffee)
• Client chooses tea (if interested) – or we discuss selections
• Pour, serve, let cool slightly, enjoy

Interruption

Until….Covid. As some of you know I rented my downtown office throughout the pandemic, barely using it for almost a year while I switched entirely to phone and video sessions. I’d been in the office so infrequently that even my plants died, and I remember coming in to collect their remains while also glancing over at my tea collection, feeling sad. When would I be able to serve tea again?

Struggle and Return

When people started slowly returning to the office, it was a strictly ‘bring your own mug and tea’ situation, which also made me sad, but seemed necessary at the time. And then we graduated to a paper cup situation, when Covid restrictions started to ease, although there still weren’t as many takers at the time. When we finally transitioned back to glass mugs, it felt like a natural evolution.

There are always seasonal shifts when it comes to drinking tea but as more clients are returning to in-person counselling sessions, the ritual of tea has picked up too!

Benefits

What are the merits of drinking tea during a counselling session? Some which come to mind include:

• A way of expressing care for clients
• A way for clients to receive care – which can be a true opportunity for growth, if this has historically been difficult!
• Serving tea that clients enjoy and honouring people’s favourites!
• The warmth and flavour of tea can be comforting
• Tea can be enjoyed in just one sip, partially finished, or drinking the full cup. We can practice doing what’s natural without pleasing anyone else
• Choosing tea can be an opportunity to assert a preference, particularly if asking for things has been traditionally difficult
• Taking a sip of tea can promote pause and reflection and slow an anxious mind
• Trying different teas can be fun

For phone or video clients, making a cup of tea to have with your counselling appointment, can also have similar benefits.

An Invitation

While tea can’t make our problems go away, I truly believe that it can make life better. I encourage you to have a cup if you’re in my office. If you like tea but not during an appointment, please ask for a bag to take home! Or ask for an extra bag to take home 🙂 Knowing that you’re doing something kind for yourself makes me so happy. And if you’re a virtual client it can be nice to have a cup during your session too, and if you want to try a tea in my collection, let me know and I’ll mail you a teabag or two.

And I’m never offended if you’d rather pass! Tea is not everyone’s bag!