Counselling Services Areas of Practice

Relationship Issues

Relationships. We all have them. Sometimes we want more of them, sometimes we want less of them.

Sometimes it’s a quality issue. Why do we get stuck in the same patterns with others over and over?

Counselling can help to find answers to dilemmas like these.

Many clients who meet with me in my downtown Vancouver counselling and therapy office are seeking help for relationship issues. As a therapist, I have a special interest in helping with complex relationship dynamics.

Types of relationships

Couples / intimate partners
Adult children and their parents
Parents and their children
Divorced / separated partners
Siblings
Friends
Inlaws
Blended family relationships
Grandparents and grandchildren
Co-workers
Neighbours
Caregivers
Relationships from the past where the “other” has passed away, yet ‘baggage’ remains

The issues

While not an exhaustive list, some common relationship problems include:

Couples issues

Financial disagreements
Interpersonal conflict / anger management
To stay or leave?
Communication problems
Differences in emotional styles
Sex (quality and quantity)
Divergent life goals / dreams
Gridlock over core life issues
The balance between independence and interdependence
Past traumas / hurts affecting the current relationship
Affairs
Parenting and childcare disagreements
How work and leisure time should be divided and spent
Dreams / shared vision for the future as a couple
Co-dependency
Emotional and Physical Labour, Housework

Parents and children

Parenting concerns
Discipline
Interpersonal conflict / anger management
Co-parenting
Ages and stages issues, worries, planning
Leaving home, empty nest

Adult children and parents

Dealing with past hurts
Estrangement
Aging parents: caregiving stress / burnout; “care home” vs. “at home”
Those in the “sandwich generation”: caring for children + aging parents
When adult children have a disability: planning for their future
Codependency
Emotional labour
Challenges with adult children leaving the family home

Divorced / Separated partners

Grief and loss when a relationship ends
The divorce / separation process
When troubled relationships end
Readjusting to single life
Co-parenting
Blended family issues
Single parenting
Dating again

Co-workers

Workplace bullying
Interpersonal conflict
Communicating needs / expectations
Employee management
Conflicts with management
Vaccination issues

Friendships

Making and maintaining friendships
Making social conversation
Drifting apart
Negative friendship patterns
Giving and receiving support

Other family

Hurts from childhood
Getting along / anger management
Separation / cut-offs / estrangement
Family trauma

Because humans are by nature social beings, we can’t escape relationships! If a relationship problem is affecting your ability to cope, counselling may be a first step that’s right for you. Please call or email me if you have questions or would like to book an appointment.

You Can’t Cheat The System

June 2024 In Addictions, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Issues, Mood Disorders, Personal Growth, Relationship Issues, Sleep Strategy, Trauma

When cutting corners leads to nervous system consequences.

Understanding Angry Incidents: The “WTF?” Model

February 2017 In Anger Management

Angry incidents of all shapes and sizes—mild, moderate or severe—have something to offer us in terms of insight, if we’re willing to take a look.

When Your Loved One Won’t Get Help

June 2014 In Therapy & You

You’ve begged, you’ve cajoled, you’ve reasoned, you’ve researched and you’ve even offered to call yourself and transport them there. And still they say no.

Perfection Pursuit: When Parenting Becomes Self-Tyranny

November 2013 In Parenting, Personal Growth

It takes guts to parent in a way that is genuine for you personally while also living in a world where the concept of the parent who can “do it all” is celebrated.

Listening 101

September 2012 In Personal Growth

How to be a better listener.

Dealing With Difficult Co-Workers

August 2011 In Relationship Issues

Dealing with colleagues who challenge us emotionally can play a big part in our overall work satisfaction and our general sense of wellbeing.

Recommended Books

Books are now linked to independent booksellers; Willow Tree Counselling receives no financial remuneration for purchases made through these links. Please consider supporting local indie bookstores - many of which are fighting to stay open.

Empowered Boundaries: Speaking Truth, Setting Boundaries and Inspiring Social Change Top Pick

by Christien Storm (2018)

There is a lot of information available on boundaries but out of everything I’ve read, this is my top pick. The author is particularly notable for their discussion on the nuanced nature of boundaries–honouring the fact that setting boundaries is inherently difficult but that it is not necessarily a rigid, inflexible process. Practical, inclusive and trauma-informed, guiding strategies are offered.

Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture

by Virginia Sole-Smith (2023)

Journalist and author Virginia Sole-Smith takes a deeply comprehensive look at diet culture’s reach on children and parents, by elevating understanding of the societal systems that maintain fat-phobia and body shaming.

More Than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection In Any Relationship Top Pick

by John Howard (2022)

By leveraging the research on neuroscience, the author shows the reader simple, straightforward steps that they can take to improve the quality of connection in their close relationships. While focusing primarily on romantic partnerships, this book’s principles can be extended to any close relationships. Highly recommended.

It’s About You Too: Reducing the Overwhelm for Parents of LGBTQ+ Kids Top Pick

by Tracy Whitmore (2023)

The author stresses that when parents can honour their own thoughts, feelings and reactions to their LGBTQ+ children’s gender and/or sexuality journeys, they are in the best position to wholeheartedly support their children. A practical, encouraging book. Recommended.

The Transgender Child: Revised & Updated Edition: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Nonbinary Children

by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper (2022)

A thorough guide for families wanting to understand and affirm their transgender, gender-expansive, or nonbinary child, including transition-related information and guidance. The book also includes resources and a glossary of terms.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide To Reclaiming Yourself

by Nedra Glover Tawwab (2021)

This book has emerged as a prominent and popular choice for those who wish to better understand emotional boundaries and co-dependency. Straightforward and practical.

Co-Dependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself

by Melody Beattie (2022, revised)

A classic in the field; introduced the concept of co-dependency to the world and how to break free of it. I’ve stopped counting which edition it’s in.

Lifeskills for Adult Children

by Alan Garner and Janet Woititz (1990)

This vintage book has survived the test of time and was the first book ever recommended to me by my first therapist. A slim volume chock-full of practical suggestions for adult children of alcoholics.

And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rebuilding Romance After the Baby Arrives

by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman (2007)

Tips from the authors’ research and experience navigating from a couple to a family of three. Information to help bridge and guide this important, and statistically challenging, life transition.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

by John Gottman and Nan Silver (2015)

Professor of psychology, John Gottman, shares the principles for a successful relationship, culled from his years of longitudinal research on couples. John Gottman’s most popular book and best for couples who are seeking a research-informed approach to making changes in their relationship.

The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships

by Michael P. Nichols (2021, revised)

Breaks down the practice of listening–something many of us put little thought into until we find ourselves struggling, or are told that we are!

The Assertiveness Workbook

by Randy Patterson (2022, revised)

This book was first written when there was very little on the market to help with assertiveness skills. This practical workbook for understanding and improving assertiveness is now in its 2nd edition.

Breaking the Good Mom Myth: Every Mom’s Modern Guide to Getting Past Perfection, Regaining Sanity and Raising Great Kids

by Alyson Shafer (2014, revised)

Not for the faint at heart, the author asks us to look at our expectations of ourselves as mothers and to take responsibility for them. She offers alternative strategies for making changes, intermingled with humourous dialogue.

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Top Pick

by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (2012)

Reprinted regularly since the 1970s. this classic book teaches practical, relational and respectful parenting strategies. More philosophy than technique per se, but deeply influential.

Between Parent and Child

by Haim Ginott (1965) – revised by Alice Ginott and H. Wallace Goddard (2003)

This parenting classic and pioneering work emphasizes a humanistic approach to parenting, rooted in empathy and respect. Also offers practical tips complete with many examples.